Dream

I dreamed of my step-brother who died some seven years ago by committing suicide. We weren't really close. We first saw each other when we were 5 or 6 years old because his mom left him in my father's office and my father had no choice but to bring him to our house. But he just stayed for half a day. I don't exactly remember what happened but perhaps his mom fetched him, or my father brought him back to his mom. I guess it's the latter because it would have been WWIII had his mom went to our house to fetch him. I remember my mother crying in our house while Noris and I played in the front yard of my paternal lola's house (which was next to ours). My memory of our play is confined to me drawing something on the ground (soil) with a stone/wood, and Noris playing with something in front of me, perhaps a toy that my lola gave him.

We then moved to Manila when I was eight, and hadn't heard anything from/about him until 10 years later when my father was already sick. Noris and his family were then already living in Pasig. My father knew, but he didn't tell us. Perhaps he didn't want my mother depressed from his past mistakes. But then my father was, by that time, already losing weight due to something he hadn't told us yet. So one Sunday night, after church, he told my mother about Noris being in Pasig, and they went to visit him.

I was speechless when I learned about it. Such a forgiving soul, my mother is. And my brother had been found! But then things went by fast. My dad was brought to the hospital and continued to get sick (of lung cancer) for like five months before passing away. Noris visited father once while he was sick. The second time he visited was the day we had to escort our father to Manila Memorial. I remember Noris crying hard. Then throwing his handkerchief down my father's grave before they covered him with soil.

Noris visited us several times after the funeral. And I was glad he did. But he was closer to my older brother than me. It was okay. At least he's around. But then things happened. Noris began asking mother for money everytime he visited. The last was for a tuition fee as he was supposedly enrolled in FEU. My older sister made some research. He wasn't in FEU's list.

Noris didn't visit us anymore after that. Years after, the late news about his suicide reached us. We learned that Noris had long been addicted to drugs, starting way before my father even got sick. Perhaps that could account for his suicidal tendencies.

I never dreamed of him before. And it was a long one last night. We were hanging out by the side of a busy road, talking about personal stuff. I even asked him if he remembered how we met when we were kids, and how he never came back. Sobbing, I also told him about my fear that he would leave us again. To that, he answered it will never happen again.

Funny but in my dream, Noris left us (like hid from us) after we met when we were kids. We were also like so close; like he's my long lost bestfriend or something. And before I was awakened, he was telling me about how his pair of shoes was stolen. The new one he was wearing was "Floors and Skates" that he just bought for 500 pesos. I don't even know if the brand exists. I was telling him that I like shoes that can be worn and taken off easily, something with no laces or stuff, that that's the reason why I am fond of wearing slippers.

My mother and niece were already preparing to go visit my father at the Manila Memorial when I woke up. I didn't wanna be left alone at the house so I decided to go to the shop early. Scared. Haha. Sheesh!

Anyway Noris is just a month older than me. Haha. I really love my father. And he's a junior! So much for being the other woman's child? Naaah. It's okay. I'm kinda glad they didn't make me a junior.

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